


I Got You

by youngandbitchy



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Asgardian Reader (Marvel), Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Gets a Hug, Depression, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Loneliness, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Bucky Barnes, Reader-Insert, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Self-harming tendencies, Triggers, Tumblr: young-and-bitchy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 05:42:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16907193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youngandbitchy/pseuds/youngandbitchy
Summary: Reader and Bucky embark on a healing journey together.





	1. I Got You

**Author's Note:**

> Requests are open! (tumblr: youn-and-bitchy / request from here).
> 
> There are heavy topics discussed and mentioned several times throughout this story. If you're triggered by topics like:   
> > Depression.   
> > Anxiety.  
> > Self-Harming.  
> > Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
> 
> Then do not continue reading.

When you arrived to the Avengers compound, you went to your bedroom to change and headed to the training room, furrowed brows and clenched fists.

You needed to punch something, hard and without mercy. Your day had been awful, thanks to people. People feeding your darkest demons with criticising comments and hurtful, mocking laughs.

No wonder you needed to punch something.

You hadn’t seen anyone yet, which was weird. It was five in the afternoon and you hadn’t stopped for an hour now, just punching the bag with everything you had. No gloves, no protection.

“Hey, can someone check on (Y/N)?” Tony asked to the team when he showed up in the kitchen, his tablet in hand.

“Why don’t you go?” Steve asked back.

“Because I suck at comforting.”

People only noticed Bucky’s presence after he spoke (except for Steve) and as he hadn’t said anything, he was able to sneak out of the living room to go find you. He knew you were a good person. Nice, kind. The type of girl he would’ve fallen for in the forties… the type he still fell for.

When he saw you, he felt his heart break. Your knuckles were bleeding and you had dry tears on your cheeks.

He grabbed the punching bag from behind, startling you. “Talk to me,” he requested. You let out a heavy sigh before going back to punching. “Your knuckles are bleeding.”

“Let them,” you murmured.

Bucky sighed but he didn’t let go of the bag, maintaining it in place so you could keep punching even though he was holding back the need of wrapping up your hands.

“(Y/N), what happened?” He asked in a low voice.

You snorted. “Why are you here, Buck? Did Tony send you?”

“He wouldn’t have let me come see you,” he answered. “I’m here on my own.” You decided to believe him which he saw when you slowed down for a second to meet his eyes, but you quickly returned to your pace. “What’s going on?”

“People,” you responded. “They’re going on.” Bucky waited for you to elaborate on your argument. “ **(Y/N), why are you wearing that?** ” You quoted. “ **(Y/N), why aren’t you doing good at school? It’s your only responsibility** ; **(Y/N), don’t you have a life?** ”

And Bucky realised: those were things people told you.

His blood boiled.

“Yes. Unfortunately, I’m still breathing,” you replied to the last person you quoted.

“Hey, no. Don’t say that.”

“It’s the truth!” You exclaimed, pulling away from the bag. You’d snapped. Tears filled your eyes. “I’m exhausted, Bucky! I’m tired of people’s bullshit! Of them criticising what I do, what I wear, what I say, what I think! I’m tired of the crushing feeling of loneliness I wake up to every morning! I’m tired of not being worthy of having someone around that, when things fall apart, says **I got you, (Y/N). Everything will be fine**. I’m tired!”

You were a powerful Asgardian, you’d fought in World War II. You were an Avenger, for fuck’s sakes. And you were falling apart over petty comments.

You went to punch the bag again with all your strength when Bucky stopped you.

“Let me go!” You demanded, punching and pushing him to let you go.

“No,” he said.

“Stop! Stop it!”

You fell apart in his arms in that very moment. You didn’t want him to stop holding you… you wanted him to stop the pain.

He held you as you cried in his arms.

“Whoa,” said Clint back at the living room, looking at the TV, streaming you and Bucky. “What happened?” He asked in a worried voice.

“Her heart broke,” Wanda answered.

At the gym, you’d fallen to the floor, but Bucky kept his arms wrapped around you.

“I got you, (Y/N),” he mumbled to your ear. “I got you.”


	2. Wait For It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare.

PTSD.

Clinical depression.

Anxiety.

Self-harming tendencies.

That was your diagnosis. You’d begun taking pills and going to a therapist paid by Tony.

You had the feeling others were going as well, but you didn’t mention it.

Some had thought what was happening with you was because of Thanos, but Thanos only sped up what was going to happen eventually. It wasn’t a matter of  **if** , it was a matter of  **when**.

Since that war, you had nightmares almost every time you closed your eyes. That night wasn’t any different.

You’re in Wakanda.

They’re not dreams, they’re flashbacks.

Vision.

Wanda.

Sam.

T’Challa.

Bucky.

You wake up, unable to relax your contracted neck, adrenaline running through your veins. A sense of dread washed over you, a feeling that didn’t go away until Bucky entered your room.

If he knocked, you didn’t make out the sound.

“(Y/N)?” He mumbled in the dark.

“Yeah?” You replied, your neck relaxing, your breath heavy after not exhaling for a few moments.

You turned on your bedside lamp and saw Bucky’s figure. Baggy pants, unicolor shirt, loose and messy hair.

You sighed in relief and got up to hug him. “You’re okay,” you whispered, more to yourself than to him. “You’re okay.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m here,” he mumbled back, one hand touching your hair and the other rubbing your back to calm you down. “I’m here.”

You broke off the hug. With your heart slowly returning to its regular rate, you closed the door behind Bucky and called out for FRIDAY.

“Yes, miss?”

“Compound check, please.”

Bucky frowned to those words, but you weren’t facing him. “Mr. Stark, Mrs. Potts-Stark, Vision, Ms. Maximoff, Mr. Wilson, Colonel Rhodes and Captain Danvers are sleeping. Captain Rogers and Ms. Romanoff are at the gym. Mr. Odinson is in the kitchen with Dr. Banner.”

“Peter?”

“Safe in his apartment.”

“Wakanda?”

“No reported deaths nor disappearances.”

“Lang and Van Dyne.”

“Safe.”

“Clint?”

“Also safe, miss.”

You took a deep breath. “Global population?”

“Steady.”

“Thank you, FRIDAY.”

“You’re welcome, Ms. (Y/L/N). Have a good night.”

The AI went off and you sat on the bed. Bucky stood there, clueless. “You do that every time you have a nightmare?” He asked you.

You nodded. “When it’s about you guys…”

Bucky sat next to you. You were wearing cotton shorts and a hoodie to sleep. He noticed your scars: the ones from battle, the ones self-inflicted.

He didn’t mention it.

“What did you dream?” He inquired.

You sighed. Bucky put his elbows on his knees as you sat on the edge of the bed, stooped over, your hands together.

“We were in Wakanda and… and everyone was vanishing. Wanda, Sam…,” you looked at him, “…you. And I… I can’t…” You put one of your hands on your forehead, the tears in your eyes threatening to come out.

“Hey, doll. Hey.” He held your hands on his. “I’m here. See?” He put one of them on his cheek. “Not an illusion, not a dream… Right here.”

You offered him a soft half smile. You two had gotten close after your breakdown at the gym, which had happened two months ago. Now, your feelings for him were off the charts, and as he held your hands in his, you couldn’t help but love him.

“Do you… still…?” You trailed off.

“Yes,” he replied. “I think I’ll have them for the rest of my life.”

“Thoughts can change.”

He snorted. “Yeah, they tend to do that.”

Bucky noticed he’d been holding your hands for too long, and even though he wanted to maintain his cold fingers between your warm hands, he let go.

He got up. “Do you want me to… let you go back to sleep?” He asked, scratching the back of his neck.

You checked your phone. 5:30am.

“I don’t think I’m going back to sleep… Too much for one night,” you joked. “I’ll just watch TV or listen to music, whatever.”

Bucky nodded. “Then I’ll leave you to it. Knock on my door if you need anything.” He began walking away.

“Or you could stay,” you suggested before you had the opportunity to chicken out. He turned around, frowning with a hint of amusement. “I have Oreos and all the seasons from Friends, which is something you must catch up to.” Bucky didn’t answer for a moment, so you attempted to fix the mess. “You don’t have to, I mean… it’s just a suggestion.”

You were dying of embarrassment… until his response saved you.

He looked to the floor. “I’m still on season five…”

You sighed, relieved. “What episode?”

“The Thanksgiving episode.”

You smiled, opening the bottom drawer from your nightstand and pulling out the Oreos. “FRIDAY?”

“Yes, miss?”

“Get Friends rolling. Season five, episode eleven.” FRIDAY turned on the TV in your room, and as the AI worked their tech, you laid back against the furniture of the bed. You patted the space next to you. “Come, Sergeant.”

You noticed Bucky hesitate but he ended up imitating your action. As the episode rolled, he got more comfortable by your side, letting go of the breath he didn’t know he was holding.


	3. I'm a Beautiful Thing, Shaped for Fighting.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During your birthday, feelings are declared.

It’d been weeks since Bucky had found you having a nightmare and you’d fallen asleep watching Friends.

You were closer. You talked, you laughed, you held each other after nightmares… Opening up was hard, but you tried.

Both of you tried.

It was your birthday. You would’ve celebrated it three years ago, when things were different, but now…

It was Friday, so you went to school. You’d been on Earth for decades, but you hadn’t bothered in getting a Midgardian education until Thor showed up.

You figured it was time.

When you closed your locker, you saw Peter standing there with a cupcake in hand. “Happy birthday!” He exclaimed.

You weren’t expecting anything and you hadn’t reminded the others, so Peter remembering warmed your heart.

“Thanks, Pete.” You took the chocolate cupcake in your hand and smiled. “You’re so sweet.”

“As the cupcake: triple chocolate, just how you like it.” You kept on smiling and you two walked towards your classes, together. “So, what time’s the party?”

“No party, Spider-Man.”

“Really? Why not?”

“I’m… I don’t think the others remembered and, well, the tragedy’s a bit fresh.”

“Thanos’ been gone for a whole year, (Y/N).”

“Exactly.”

Peter sighed. “Well, then let’s make our own party.” You both stopped in your tracks. “Pizza, ice cream, a movie maybe? Just…” He put his hands on your shoulders. “We have to celebrate you live.”

Peter went to his class without giving you much of a choice, but made you think that, on your side, there was nothing to celebrate.

* * *

When you arrived to the compound with Peter, everything was dark.

And then it wasn’t.

“Surprise!” Everyone shouted in unison, applauses following.

You covered your mouth with your hands. All the Avengers were there; Thor was with Loki, who’d stopped faking his death for the moment. Shuri, Okoye and Nakia were there. Damn, even the Guardians were there.

Surprise, indeed.

“I can’t believe it…” You mumbled.

“Believe it, doll.” Steve stepped forward.

Tony was next to him. “You really thought we’d forget your birthday?”

“Yes,” you answered.

“Wrong! Everyone give it up for (Y/N)!”

The crowd clapped and a wide smile tattooed on your face.

When the noise died down, you spoke, “Thank you, thank you! Now, given that the birthday girl is the only one that smells like she just came out of a camel’s crap hole… I’m gonna go freshen up,” you announced. “Enjoy the party!”

“You heard her, people!” Steve exclaimed.

The party resumed when the piano notes did. You turned to Peter, still standing behind you. You hugged him. “Thanks.”

“It’s cool.”

You smiled when you separated and quickly made your way to your room.

There was a black, elegant jumpsuit and heels that matched it on the bed. Inside of a velvet, large red box there was a pair of earrings… and a dagger.

The earrings were simple and classy, but the dagger was special. You weren’t one to use weapons in the battlefield, you’d rather summon your powers.

It had inscriptions in anglo-saxon.

 

**ic eom wrætlic wiht on gewin sceapen.**

 

You smiled when you understood.

Inside, there was a note.

_Practicality._

You immediately knew who it was from and you smiled even wider.

* * *

Jazz was playing. People were chatting and laughing and you  made your way through them, speaking to everyone.

Shuri told you T’Challa wanted to come, but after all, he was a busy king. You made Okoye and Loki smile that evening. You spoke to Clint and Laura for a while, commenting on their decision to adopt a dog… and by that, they meant the decision of their kids.

But Bucky… Bucky was the first eyes you caught when you arrived at the party, and even talking to lots of people, you managed not to lose sight of him.

While you talked to Wanda, he chatted with Rhodes and Steve. His hair was in a bun and he was wearing a perfectly adjusted suit, his beard trimmed down.

He was perfect.

“Hello?” You heard a voice above all a second after the music stopped. Tony had a microphone in hand. “Good afternoon, everyone. As you all know, we’re here to celebrate the hundred-tenth birthday of (Y/N).”

“For Odin’s sake…,” you mumbled to yourself.

“Even though she’s seven decades older, she’s like a daughter to me and I’ve learned a lot from her. She’s taught me the names of stars I didn’t know existed, but also taught me clarity during situations where my judgement was clouded.” You smiled softly. “So, (Y/N), come here. Take the lead.”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes.”

Tony grabbed your hand and dragged you to the front of the room, giving you the microphone. You took a breath, drying your free palm in the jumpsuit.

“Greetings, everyone. So… I’m just gonna… ramble on and stumble on my words until someone decides to save me.” People chuckled and you smiled. “I arrived on Earth during World War II. I’d been separated from my family, my homeland and my kind, the Signifers. It was just me and my powers, and they were not good at curing loneliness. I even came to think no one would care for me ever again.

“So, I’d like to thank you all for proving me wrong. Thank you to those that already lived here, to those that came from foreign countries and foreign galaxies…”

“She’s talking about us, right?” Drax asked.

“Of course, moron,” Rocket responded.

“…for doing this for me,” you continued. “Thank you for being teachers and counselors, but above all, good. To me.” Your eyes encountered Bucky’s. He had a smile on his face. “Thank you.” The crowd clapped.

You were in the front for another moment until someone took the microphone from you.

Bucky.

“I’d like to say a few words,” he spoke into the microphone, the guests going silent. You nodded and he touched your hand before directing himself to the crowd. You stepped aside, giving him space. “So, I met (Y/N) a year and a half ago. We were under terrible circumstances and the world was going to Hell… and yet, she remained sane and positive.

“I remember her fighting, kicking, biting and summoning all the stars in the universe and I thought »Damn, that girl is a bad-ass«.” He gained a few laughs and you chuckled. “And then we moved into the same building… I got to know her a lot better. I saw her clear parts, but also the dark ones… And to this day, I still think »this woman is a bad-ass«.” Your eyes watered. “She is the embodiment of perseverance. She’s been through so much, yet her spirit stays intact.” His cerulean blue eyes were looking at you, a tear streaming down your cheek. “So I’m gonna toast to that.” He raised his glass. “Not many of us have that in themselves, but I’m glad that you do… Cheers.”

“Cheers!”

Bucky’s eyes and your love towards him drowned the soft noise of glasses clinking together.

“Thank you,” you mouthed, but you really meant »I love you«.

You’d gone for one moment to the bathroom and when you returned, Bucky was nowhere in sight.

“Hey, Cap,” you spoke to Steve. “Have you seen Bucky?”

Steve smiled to himself. “He’s in the rooftop.”

You frowned. “Thanks.”

You took the elevator to the rooftop. The sky was clear, the stars glowing alongside the moon. Bucky was there, looking at the loud city, shining brighter than any star.

“Good evening, Sergeant Barnes,” you greeted him.

He smiled. “Please, don’t.” You chuckled.

You walked towards him, standing side by side. “ _I’m a beautiful thing, shaped for fighting,_ ” you said the words written on the blade. You saw Bucky smile. “Thank you.”

“For the blade?”

“And the earrings and… what you said back there.”

“I was telling the truth,” he replied, turning to look at you. You couldn’t help but get lost in his eyes. You could see the universe trapped in them. “(Y/N), I…,” he trailed off.

“Yeah?” You mumbled.

He inhaled and, suddenly, his lips were on yours. He’d taken you by surprise, but you closed your eyes, feeling him.

“I’m sorry, I’d just… been meaning to do that for a long time,” he said afterwards, his forehead lingering in yours.

“You’re not sorry,” you stated.

He smiled. “No, I’m not.” You chuckled. “I want this.”

You sighed and wrapped your arms around his neck. “I don’t want to ruin you.”

“You could never,” he responded. “You have… no idea how you make me feel, (Y/N). Every time I’m with you, it’s like seeing snow for the first time, I feel… amazed.”

“Stop,” you requested, tears filling your eyes and your heart a mess.

“I feel pure and clean… and blessed.”

You closed the distance between the two of you with a kiss. You could barely breathe, your head was spinning and your heart felt more alive than ever.

And you could say with certainty that you were happy.


End file.
